This video is about Anxiety. 
Self-written, directed, and shot. 
Each shot portrays what it feels like for me to have anxiety. 
Suffocated, Restless, Stuck, Alone, Imaginary, Dreaming (in a world that is not real), 
Repetition, Inspiration, Silent, 3 places at once. 
These are my real life anxious thoughts; enjoy. 

-"I express myself best with a camera 
[It's always been hard for me to communicate how I feel, and how in depth I think. Ever since finding my passion in photography, I've discovered so many ways I could express myself. My eyes have recently been opened. Doing this is a grand form of relief.] 
-I hate this fucking shit 
[I hate how in depth I can feel my emotions. Sometimes I feel it is just "alien" to be able to feel this much. It becomes so frustrating when others don't understand or see or feel what I do; as well as don't know why I do the things I do. Meanwhile I do the things I do out of so much love and compassion.] 
-Do you ever just want to slow down but fast forward at the same time
[Being so self aware of when I need to calm down and focus on the "now" makes me anxious and frustrated because I know there are things that need to be fixed before I can relax. But, I just get so overwhelmed with the list that I rather fast forward to when everything is fine. Heartbreak and trauma sucks and I recognize the process way too well. But "slow and steady wins the race", right?] 
-Does everyone experience this at some point or am I just... 
[Again, am I different? I feel like an alien, some outsider that can feel literally everything and nobody else can feel and understand this deep but myself. I feel like people that I come across don't act like this or are just incapable of it. That tilts my head and raises the question of "is it me or them thats different?"] 
-This is so fucking annoying  
[How is it that I try so hard to become a better person not only for myself, but for others yet, I still end up being the one who gets hurt? What else can I possibly do? I live with so many failed experiences. When is the end of it? When do I stop getting fucked over? When will my acceptance, understanding, and love all be worth it? I genuinely and physically feel like my heart is trying to jump out of my chest. I can't stop thinking. Im constantly analyzing. It never stops... it's annoying.] 
-1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8...... 8 
[I've had too many experiences. Soon I wont be able to count them on my hands. Purely out of trust and compassion on my end. Who the fuck knows about the other end.] 
-That’s too much. 
[I don't care much about other peoples opinions, but I care about my own. And yeah, it's too much. Way too much.] 
-I love myself  
[The typical advice that's commonly given is "just learn to love yourself" and "you have to love yourself first"... But I do. And thats the problem. I love myself more than anyone could ever love me. That is what is frustrating. I don't deserve 70% of what I decide to deal with.] 
-It’s not me.... is it? 
[Maybe it is me...I commonly consider that. I am open to change for the better though... I want to do what it takes to be great. But what the fuck.] 
-Where the fuck did I come from why is this so hard  
[How I think and analyze my thought process makes me think about how I was raised. But now that I am growing up, I am realizing things that I never have before; and things are starting to not make sense. I don't know how I got this way. I don't even know if it is a good thing or a bad thing.] 
-It’s so simple. 
[Being a decent human being is so easy to me. I want to love. And I want to be loved. It's simple.] 
-I should have stopped at 4 
[I've given too many people chances. This isn't good for me, it's too much, I can't process it anymore. I've learned a lot, but did I really need to? I thought I'd be done learning by now.] 
-I’m just so inspired 
[Meeting you was new to me. You introduced me to a new world that I've never explored and it's a world that I love and want to continue. You alone, taught me so much and made me realize there is more.] 
-That’s so not fair 
[I'd be stupid to give up on that world just because you didn't give a shit about me.] -I just don’t understand how.... [How could someone who taught me something so important be the same someone who just gives up on me.] 
-Is it bad that I’m inspired? 
[Thank you for introducing me to this new world. But I will explore it on my own. I can't be held back by anyone anymore.] 
-Fuck it.
[Challenge accepted.]
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